I scheduled this post a couple days ago so it would automatically appear to late to save me.
Some of you may know the difficulties I have had in my 20 years of marriage, but no one has any idea how bad it was. Lying, manipulation, control, emotional abuse, etc. Plus the multitude of cheating – I’m sure I don’t know a 10th of what when on. Some of you may also think I had a fabulous life, but don’t forget – you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Jason will of course tell a totally different story, as usual.
I have been on and off antidepressants all my life and constantly since 2007. Jason didn’t help, didn’t have any sympathy, and in fact made fun of me and my “crazy pills”. You’d think a husband would be concerned and want to help his wife get better, but mine didn’t. He was mad that I laid on the couch crying and didn’t give him any “attention”. (Narcissism at it’s finest) I talked to Jason tonight (wrong thing to do, I know) and he told me I was “bat shit crazy” and a”terrible Mother”. He said I have devastated my children from my illness. All I’ve ever had for the last 21 years is Mikayla and Kristanna, and to hear how he considers the kind of mother I am/was in his “oh so Fatherly and Family Man opinion” has wrecked me and is the last straw.
You would think that an RCMP Inspector would know how to identify these depressive symptoms in criminals and others, which he can, (they take courses) but for some reason he didn’t bother with me.
I have now suffered so much that my brain does not function properly.
I have seen (and still have seen) therapists, Doctors and Psychiatrists. All the while (year and a half) trying to divorce Jason – and I offered a very fair deal I might add. He will disagree but the Supreme Court does not. I have attempted suicide three times and have thought about it constantly since 2007.
We were set to go to trial in January, then February, then April and now maybe May. Major crimes likes murders, rapes and other horrific things trump a divorce. I can’t carry on for eight months more.
Some may think we had a lot of money but really we had very little – Jason liked his toys, trucks, vehicles, RV’s. Seadoo’s, women, etc. We have always been thousands and thousands of dollars in debt.
Some tidbits (since I am feeling very angry about his comments on the phone).
Jason failed his RCMP test twice. He had to use his Metis status to get into a smaller amount of applicants so his low score made the cut. He also failed the eye exam. Dr Neidermeyer (retired now, Father to both famous hockey players) helped Jason fake the eye test: “Is that a Q or is that really a P?” He passed him. Three years later the RCMP Optometrists could not believe how much Jason’s eyesight had deteriorated, so you as tax payers picked up the bill for eye surgery. ($4000+)
In Iqaluit where his now, the Inspectors and above have a little con going. When you hit the Inspector rank you are allowed to bank your holiday time and then get paid out in cash. The scam is that if a member has to take a course in Ottawa or Toronto, he takes an extra week or two and this does not come out of his holiday pay. So in essence, members get paid double time to go on holidays – regular pay for their extra away time and then a payout for the holidays they have banked. So they actually get double time for holidays. Anyone else get that?
Jason has often called his Superior officer a d*ke because she doesn’t like him and doesn’t think his work is up to par. They all laugh about her in the mess. (Or use to if she is even still there)
Also – NUMEROUS racial remarks and “accents” have been made by Jason and other members about First Nations’s here in Gold River, Ahousaht and Iaqualit. In fact, he said the Inuit were the dumbest people he had ever come across.
Morris McNally made a complaint when Jason first arrived here in Gold River about a marijuana grow up he saw in his helicopter (and recognized the two men down there in the middle of the grow op). He reported this right to Jason, but it went totally un-investigated – no file # created, no word said to any other member. Only Jason knew. He brought the file home (with photos) and it sat there for years in our filing cabinet until I finally told him to get rid of it. I sure wish I had photocopied it. They were members of the detachment so he hid it.
From our post in Hope from 1997 – 2000, Jason’s fellow officers had yet another scam going. Since there was a small reserve that they attended about 10% of the time, they wrote down a fake First Nation’s number on their income tax and got 10% of their taxes back. Fast forward to Boston Bar (our next posting). Jason claimed (same fake number) around 30% of time spent on the reserve, so 30% of taxes back. Next was Kyuquot. He claimed around 60% I believe because he didn’t want to arouse suspicion. Again, 60% percent of taxes paid back to him. Next came Ahousaht – a 900 person reserve north of Tofino. We were about the only non First Nation’s people there. Jason claimed 80% (do you know how much money this was? thousands) with his fake number on his taxes and we got a whole pile of money back. I am a doormat and did nothing.
This is just Jason – other members are the same or worse. Yes – (in other detachments) sex with guards while on duty, sex in police cars, drinking on the way home(in his police car) from work after grabbing a six pack for the road, and then driving by an accident because he knew he couldn’t stop. He was reported and told his boss what happened and he said (no kidding) – “good call”. RCMP members are probably 95% honourable and honest, but there are always a few who figure out how to play the system. (I suppose there is in every job and profession) Jason’s even gone to a stabbing call drunk in Ahousaht and had to call in other members – protect and serve hey? Hopefully they’re sober.
So this is my life, my story. Everyone tells me to be strong, but now the trial date has moved from Jan to the end of May – maybe if we’re lucky!
I hope this makes Jason suffer for the rest of his life. I highly doubt it though. (His Narcissism will relieve him from that) and I’m sure the RCMP therapists will tell him it’s not his fault, but it is. He’s lied and cheated on me since the girls were toddlers and never stopped. Thank god I caught the HPV virus early or I would be dealing with cancer because my husband couldn’t even think of protecting his wife when he was cheating.
Well Jason, I guess you’ll get what you always wanted – MONEY. What did Bill Miller say years ago? “The best revenge is to live well.” You may feel bad for a bit but all that money and your full pension will make you and your new girlfriend and her kid very ecstatic I’m sure. I’m SO GLAD (insert sarcasm here) that you’ve maybe finally grown up and want to be a proper and respectable man. Too bad you couldn’t do that for your own family. Oh, by the way Miss Girlfriend – Jason said he had no choice but to move in with you to save money, and when I mentioned your young son and that Jason never wanted anymore children, he let out a big sigh and said ” I know, I don’t know what to do”. Good luck honey.
This was the time in our lives when Jason spent most of his days off with the other “single” members in the bars in Chilliwack, the Shark Club in Vancouver and who knows where else. These two beautiful little girls were at home when Dad was in the bar living it up.
Jason failed his RCMP test twice. Not until they put him into the Metis status group so he could fall into a smaller amount of applicants and his low score then made the cut did he get in. He couldn’t pass his eye exam either – his eyes were terrible, so Dr Neidermeyer (retired now – father of the famous hockey players) helped him out. “Is this a “P” or a “Q”? He passed him. Three years later at an exam, the RCMP optometrists couldn’t believe his eyes had deteriorated so quickly. So Jason got laser eye surgery at a cost to the tax payers of around $4000.
Oh – I have to mention this. In Ahousaht, all the members were out on the far beach drinking and having a picnic. They tied the RCMP boat up to the rocks a ways across the bay (water was calm at this point). All of a sudden the waves picked up and the boat crashed again and again into the rocks. They had to get the Coast Guard to rescue the boat and fixing it was a mere $65,000. Taxpayers paid the bill again.
There are two Jason Fiddlers – one many of you probably think is the greatest and fun and cool. Many more of you know the truth.
To my daughters – this is excruciating to write. All I ever had since I was 22 was you two – you were my life. Nothing else mattered to me. You have grown into such amazing and intelligent young ladies – I am SO proud of you, and am so very sorry for the times I hurt you. Don’t let this agonize you – I hurt too much and can’t make it stop. Just remember that I’m not in pain anymore and dad can’t hurt me anymore. I don’t think it’s selfish – I’m finally going to be free of the pain. I pray you find wonderful husbands (NOT like your Father) and have amazing families. I dream about Derri all the time and sometimes even see her out of the corner of my eye, so I know she’s with me. I will always be with you and watching over you – forever. I’m sorry – I’m so guilt ridden I can’t even bring myself to write anymore. I can’t see the keyboard. I love you both to the moon and back. <3 <3
I’m sorry Mum – I’m not strong like you. I’m not a Graham woman. I am weak and have been formed that way over years by men. Please be strong for the girls – they will need you. I love you very much – you were a wonderful Mum and gave me everything I wanted and more. Well, except for the horse.
—————————————————————————————————————————————-Auntie Delva – you have been my rock and support for so long – I can’t begin to thank you for never judging. I feel so guilty because you lost a daughter and here I am with a roof over my head, a little bit of money in the bank and some pop tarts in the cupboard. (inside joke) Thank you for the fun trips you took me on even though Uncle John usually yelled – especially when I announced that we are now in Montana and don’t have to wear seat belts. (this was many years ago and no one was happy with me except for the kids, lol.) I love you forever, and if I can I will visit you like Derri visits me.
Well old Rose, I don’t even know what to say. You have been my best friend for 15? years. We’ve had some pretty great times, hilarious times and some sad times too. You were my rock even though it got so bad at the end. I will miss you and all your funny and often inappropriate jokes. Always wear your tiara and jewelry for your birthday ok and think of me. Have a wonderful time as a Grandma – I hope it’s a girl for you to dress up and put ribbons in her hair. Kathy – the house key will be where it always is (mail key too – box 852) – Tyra has offered lots of times to help so maybe you can take turns with the cats for a while and then give them to Ms. Folkins.
Carol – you have been more support than you can ever imagine – even though I refused it most of the time. Keep supporting women – that’s what you were made to do I think. And love that cute little Ashyia until she can’t handle it anymore. xo
Residents of Gold River – I don’t think you have any idea how much you have meant to me. I’m a very good faker and would always go downtown with a smile on my face and chat with anyone who would listen. I love this town – it is home.
I want to be buried here, no cremation please. Just put loving mother of Mikayla and Kristanna on the tombstone and maybe some Gerber daisies etched in too – they’re my favourite. Oh, and I’m not religious (more a Mother Earth kind of girl) but if Darla could do the service I would love it. She has such a beautiful and calming voice and I fell in love with it. Please don’t put a photo of me anywhere – I hate the way I look and I hate myself. And I don’t want Dad anywhere near my funeral or my house – he’s still not allowed in – Kathy has the key. Girls – take what you want and sell anything else.
Mikayla, Kristanna, Mum, Kathy, Auntie Delva, Carol, Melony, I’m so sorry, but I cant wait until the end of May or later to take on the big ego of Inspector Fiddler in Court – he always wins no matter what. And he says he has a whole crew of lawyers coming – something about case law for wives that sit and do nothing while collecting (partial) spousal. I’m terrified to sit there for four days.
Jason always wins. And you hit the jackpot this time didn’t you Jay? You were the worst mistake of my life.
I do NOT want Jason anywhere near my funeral (if he even bothers). Chris McGee, please remove him if he does show up. And I have a court order that he is not allowed to set one foot on this property.
(And for God’s sake Villoy, if you see a spelling mistake, please ignore it lol.